Troubled Waters
Throughout our sons’ adolescent years, we intermittently faced difficult challenges as they sought to establish their autonomy. Our oldest son, especially, had a tendency to violate parental authority and house rules. During one particular clash, it became necessary for us to ask him to find another place to live, due to his blatant refusal to comply with the family’s standard operating procedures. Being the belligerent 16-year-old that he was at that time, he quietly packed his belongings and off he went.
As you can imagine, this left his Dad quietly fuming and his Mom silently grieving. As I wrote in a previous blog, “False Accusations”, I have found that the sexes tend to handle emotion quite differently:
When boys {or men} are hurt or upset, they get angry.
When girls {or women} are hurt or upset, they cry.
I certainly recognized the fact that our firstborn was disrupting the entire family with his hostile behavior, but this knowledge did not make his departure any easier on my Mama's heart. In spite of his contentiousness, it crushed me to see him leave. We had no idea where he went or with whom he was staying. We feared that he’d drop out of high school and end up on the streets. All kinds of horrible thoughts and fears raced through my mind, day and night.
As the days passed, my anxiety increased. Although I was compelled to stand in solidarity with my husband, a part of me wanted to find our son and bring him home. A close friend sensed my distress and appeared on our doorstep one afternoon. As I dissolved into sobs, she looked me in the eye and said calmly but firmly, “Stay in the boat with your husband. There’s a storm raging, and if you get out of the boat, you’ll be swept away in the waves and drowned.”
She was reminding me of the family structure, established by God, which is designed to protect and preserve the family unit, not cause its demise. This requires me to support my husband’s decision, as directed by the Lord, even if it is painful for a season. I knew in my head that we could not continue to allow our teen-aged son to turn our entire household upside down, but my heart wouldn’t accept it. There was an intense battle taking place between my mind and heart, and my wise friend spoke Truth to me when I most needed to hear it. She lovingly but confidently redirected me back to God's Word. Had I chosen to side with our willful son, I would have effectively refused to submit to the Lord's directive, undermined my husband's authority, and demonstrated utter disrespect and contempt for him. The wise words of my friend forced me to refocus on Truth, and reminded me that feelings are fleeting, but the Word of God is absolute and always steadfast.
That boat my friend spoke of was, of course, my husband ~ the God-appointed, God-guided leader of my family, my lifelong partner and earthly refuge during every storm. In this instance, our son was the storm itself. If I had chosen to side with our son, giving in to his rebellious behavior - and thereby condoning it - it likely would have fractured the foundation of our relationship, and forever altered the course of our marriage.
My husband desired to reconcile with our son as much as I did, so we applied prayer to our situation, and sought the wisdom of an older and wiser Believer. With our son's consent, this gentleman met with the three of us, helped us resolve our issues, and our prodigal was permitted to come back home. When he finally set out on his own just after his 18th birthday, it was on good terms and with our blessing.
There will be occasions in your own marriage when you find yourself neck-deep in troubled waters. You will be forced to make a decision ~ whether to remain in the boat with your spouse, or risk drowning by forsaking Divine order and plunging into a raging sea. Batten-down the hatches and hold onto your beloved! In the shelter of the marriage covenant, you will remain firmly Anchored during the tempests.
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“I would hurry to my safe place, away from the wild wind and storm.”
~ Psalm 55:8