Holy Matrimony
Many couples today who divorce do so because they are unhappy. Marriage didn’t turn out to be what they expected, and neither did their spouse. Happily-ever-after is a fairy tale myth made up of self-centered dreams and desires. In this life, there will always be trials and tribulations ~ weather one chooses to marry or not.
Most of us entered into Holy Matrimony with delusions of grandeur, believing that our betrothed held the key to our lifelong joy and comfort. We burdened our beloved with the impossible responsibility of providing a life of never-ending bliss, free from disappointment. The notion that marriage is simply a means to earthly happiness is a profound underestimation of the significance of this most sacred of Divinely-appointed covenants. As a wise individual once said, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
Countless couples have a distorted understanding of the marital relationship. God designed marriage for multiple purposes, including procreation, and lifelong companionship and servanthood. But the greatest purpose for marriage is not happiness but holiness. As Believers, we willingly submit ourselves to the ongoing process of sanctification, being perfected {made holy} in the image of our Creator, hence the term HOLY matrimony.
The covenant of marriage is holy, created by God, for God. Our Heavenly Father will continually use every circumstance, every person, every event in our lives to mold us into His HOLY {perfect, flawless} image. Make no mistake that the Lord will accomplish this not only because of our spouse but also in spite of our spouse. He will even use the unhappiest of unions to perfect His children, contrary to what our modern culture teaches. It is not for our own joy that we are called to remain married until death separates us, but for the sake of obedience to the Lord and the perfecting of our faith. God calls us to be faithful, whether or not we are successful.
DISCLAIMER: We as Believers must neither judge nor condemn one for divorcing a spouse who is chronically abusive or unfaithful. We have no right to direct another’s path. It is essential to offer support to the suffering, and to extend grace and mercy to those who are hurting. We are instructed by Jesus' example to meet people where they are, and leave judgment to the Lord. Conversely, it is equally important to neither criticize a person for remaining faithful in a troubled marriage, nor for placing their trust in God despite what human reason may dictate. God still performs marriage-miracles, saving even the most dysfunctional of relationships. We must be careful to avoid passing judgment on others and their circumstances, allowing the Lord to work as He sees fit, having His way in His time.
I know a woman who has been married for over 60 years. The longevity of this marriage suggests that it's a successful relationship. This, however, couldn’t be further from the truth. The union has been quite unhappy, and the couple hasn’t shared a joyful, unified marriage at any point in their relationship, even in the early years. While the husband appears to be completely oblivious to the tragic state-of-the-marital-union, content with mediocrity and self-centered pursuits, the wife is acutely aware of the daily failure to connect at any level. Simply put, they are unequally yoked at virtually every level. He attends church faithfully, but has no meaningful, personal relationship with his Creator; she is a woman of faith who experiences close fellowship with the Lord. He is concerned only with his own happiness; she has a servant’s heart filled with compassion for others. He withholds emotional intimacy; she readily loves others freely.
Why, you may ask, has this couple remained together? Why have they not divorced and sought happiness with another? The answer to these questions is at the same time simple and complicated. Because his faith is shallow and he is self-centered, he is content with the status quo; because her faith is deep and she is committed to obedience to the Lord, she trusts Him for the greater purpose, her own happiness notwithstanding, and remains faithful to her marriage covenant. She takes joy in knowing that she has chosen obedience, and is content in that knowledge whether or not her marital relationship ever improves. She understands that marriage is a calling to sanctification, and not just a meaningless, opt-out contract to be carelessly discarded.
While most of us in the 21st century have come to believe that we deserve happiness, this wife has a deeper understanding. We deserve nothing due to our own merit, but we owe God everything. By His mercy, He has repeatedly withheld what we truly deserve, and instead has lavishly poured out His grace upon us.
We as Believers are called to serve the Lord with our life and, yes, through our marriage. We are to serve Him in both joy and pain, and He is faithful to sanctify us through both.
It's not Happy Matrimony, it's Holy Matrimony. It’s not about us . . . it’s about HIM. When we honor God through obedience, we have the ability to experience happiness despite our circumstances as He refines and perfects us in holiness.
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“Because you are children who obey God, don't live the kind of lives you once lived. Once you lived to satisfy your desires because you didn't know any better. But because God who called you is holy, you must become holy in every aspect of your life.”
~ 1 Peter 1:14-15