Time Travel
Have you ever done something you regret? Do you ever wish you could travel back in time to erase a past event or decision? Most of us can honestly answer ‘yes’ to these questions.
Now for the flip side…has your spouse ever done something he/she regrets? Does he/she wish it could be undone? Has it affected your marital relationship? Has it caused you to harbor anger, hurt or resentment? Most of us can probably answer ‘yes’ to these questions as well.
Sadly, the vast majority of us have past sins we’d rather forget thanks to our flawed human nature. Some of us have a tendency to habitually relive the past because we refuse to let it go. And some of us unfairly relive our spouse’s past. We justify our grudge by defending our ‘right’ to be upset, rationalizing that our spouse ‘deserves’ our wrath. Instead of seeking healing, we seek revenge. Rather than desiring peace, we desire to punish our beloved to compensate for our own pain, or worse, to inflict further pain upon our God-appointed mate.
The solution to incessantly dredging up the past is to forgive the offender. While the old
adage ‘forgive and forget’ sounds noble, the forgetting part is much more difficult than the forgiving part. So, how does one go about forgetting? Forgetting, in this case, is consciously refusing to resurrect an old offense. Once forgiveness has been offered and accepted, and the issue has been settled, both parties must agree never to go back in time to revisit the incident. To do so does nothing but open old wounds, causing further pain to both husband and wife. The offended readily resuscitates the old hurt, and the offender is judged and sentenced all over again. This is nothing less than a revocation of mercy, a destructive retaliation.
To remind one of a past transgression is to reignite the flame, adding fuel to a fatal fire. It also gives the enemy a stronghold which he will perpetually utilize in order to instigate disunity. If healing is to take place in the relationship, husband and wife must concur to leave the past in the past, and extend to one another grace and mercy.
God Himself assures us that when we seek His forgiveness, He is not only faithful to forgive, but He chooses to forget. When you and your spouse are involved in conflict, never draw the past into the present. Allow previous grievances to fade into history where they belong, intentionally rejecting any temptation to time travel.
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“It is I who sweep away your transgressions for My own sake, and remember your sins no more.”
~ Isaiah 43:25