Breaking the Mold
There is a tendency among some of us to demand impossible standards from others ~ a rigid mold we expect them to fit. If an individual doesn’t behave or believe the way we think he should, or make substantial effort to change his ways, we experience inner turmoil, outward conflict, and overall agitation. Sometimes, we “vent” to another in order to nurse a wound which has been self-inflicted, and to justify our self-imposed outrage. As we wallow in our exasperation, tension spills over into the marriage relationship.
While it is unrealistic to expect to go through life without ever crossing the path of a disagreeable person, it is equally unrealistic to believe that we ourselves will never be the one who another finds disagreeable. Each of us possesses an inherently flawed human nature. Some of our imperfections are blatantly obvious and others are conveniently hidden.
It is utterly unfair to place impossibly high expectations on another individual. To expect another person to measure up to a standard set by oneself is a travesty of Divine Justice and a shameless act of personal arrogance. As Believers, we are called to extend the same grace and mercy to others as Christ Himself has extended to us. We are commanded in Scripture:
“Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” ~ Colossians 3:13
I confess that I have been guilty of measuring others {including my husband} against my own set of convoluted standards, and attempting to force them into my defective mold. I’ve become indignant if one fails to meet my measure of “good” or “godly”. I’ve been
guilty of holding a grudge rather than extending forgiveness, defending my “right” to be angry, even justifying condemnation with exploited Scripture.
By virtue of my Maker’s endless patience, He has taught me to accept people for who they are instead of for whom I think they should be. He has helped me to replace resentment with sympathy, impatience with forbearance, and bitterness with kindness. Whenever I lapse into former bad behaviors, the Lord gently nudges me back toward grace.
By making allowances for one another’s faults and short-comings, we deflect the damage resulting from holding on to hurts. When we release others from meeting our expectations, we relinquish our own hurt, anger and resentment through acceptance and forgiveness. As a result, we banish unnecessary agitation that seeks to hold us captive, eliminating tension between husband and wife.
The result of breaking the mold and accepting others as they are, flaws and all, is a mind at peace, a heart at ease, and a serene spirit. The ability to nurture and enjoy relationships in spite of challenges is facilitated when personal expectations are replaced with godly acceptance and forgiveness.
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"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."
~ Alexander Pope