Father Knows Best
In my early teens, I had a crush on a certain boy who was a year or two older than me. He was quite worldly, having been reared very differently than I. Being the young innocent that I was at that time, I only saw what I thought was there. I didn’t see what truly lurked beneath the surface. This boy showed interest in me and I simply didn’t have the maturity to comprehend that there could possibly be any ulterior motives on his part.
As teenagers did in those days before Facebook, we spent time chit-chatting on the telephone. We attended different schools in different towns, neither of us was old enough to drive and we lived too far apart to be within walking distance, so phone visits were all we had. During one particular conversation, he invited me to a boy-girl party to be held at the home of a friend. I was assured that parents would be present to chaperone, but he confided that the grown-ups would be upstairs while we kids would remain undisturbed in the basement rec-room. With no inkling whatsoever that anything questionable could possibly take place, I promised to ask permission, happily assuming I'd soon be attending my very first boy-girl party.
You can imagine how excited I was at having been asked to a party by an older boy! Surely there could be no possible reason that I wouldn’t be permitted to attend, so I rushed to ask my parents.
Much to my surprise, Mom deferred to Dad. Usually, Mom made most of the decisions in our family, mainly because Dad was indecisive and, often times, emotionally removed. But for some unknown reason, she opted to leave this decision up to him.
Can you picture the fallen-face of a young teenage girl when her typically wishy-washy father give an immediate and most definite reply of NO? As any proper adolescent girl would do, I proceeded to beg, plead, and appeal my case. Still, the answer came back firmly NO.
I was crushed ~ and I was furious. I raced up to my bedroom, slammed the door, and spent the remainder of the afternoon throwing a teen-style temper tantrum. Eventually, I dissolved into sobs, resolving never to speak to my Dad again. EVER.
Eventually, I did get over this episode, but I certainly never truly forgave Dad. It would be another couple of decades before I would come to fully understand the danger Dad had protected me from, unbeknownst to any of us at the time.
Time passed and when I was 15, I met Bobby. The first time I ever had the opportunity to go somewhere with him, it wasn’t a date, it was simply a ride home. This time, I didn’t ask my father for his permission, I just informed him of my plans. I was humiliated when Dad brazenly approached Bobby, an air of authoritative arrogance in his voice, with the question, “I understand you want to take my daughter home?”
Once again, I became very angry at my father's audacity. How dare he embarrass me this way! How dare he try to intimidate this nice guy! After a very brief exchange, Dad found Bobby’s replies acceptable and agreed to allow him to drive me home.
The moment Dad was out of sight, I began apologizing for his inexcusable behavior, accompanied by substantial eye-rolling and the customary level of disgust expected in reaction to incidents of parental meddling. As I recall, I went on and on about what a jerk he’d been and how disgracefully he’d behaved. To my surprise, Bobby quickly came to Dad’s defense. He said to me, “He’s your father! He has a right to know who’s taking his daughter home!”
Open mouth, insert foot.
Instantly, I’d been chastised by the wise words of a 17-year-old. Bobby was one-hundred-percent right and I was one-hundred-fifty-percent wrong. How could I have been so disrespectful? How could I have ever thought that Dad had intended to humiliate me and not protect me? Shame, shame, shame on me. I repented to myself privately, but I admit I never sought Dad’s forgiveness ~ neither did I apologize to him.
Time passed and Dad eventually walked me down the aisle and gave me over to Bobby for keeps. We married and started a family, built a business and established our home. From time to time, I would hear of the young man with whom I never attended a boy-girl party. He, too, had married and started a family. But his life unfolded quite differently than mine.
The years continued to roll by, and my long-ago childhood crush chose a path of self-destruction. He gave his existence over to addiction, affairs, and run-ins with the law. His marriage disintegrated, his family was left in ruins, and death claimed him prematurely.
Had Dad seen the potential for disaster in this guy so many years before when he wouldn’t allow me to go to that party? Had Dad sensed something about that boy that caused him to be especially cautious? Had I been allowed to attend that party, would I have eventually married him and suffered the way his wife and family had? Maybe Dad had a knowing, maybe he didn’t, but certainly God had a knowing. Almighty God had the foreknowledge and clearly saw what was yet to come. For whatever reason, the Lord directed my indecisive father to resolutely stand his ground, which ultimately prevented a relationship from developing before it ever started.
When our Heavenly Father says NO to us, it is always for our benefit even if we don’t understand it at the time. He has the ability to see precisely what is and what will be, while we are limited by what we think is and what we hope will be. I’d love to be able to boast that after more than 25 years of walking with the Lord I have mastered the art of trusting Him implicitly, free from doubt and fear, but alas, I continue to struggle with my human nature. It grows easier to trust Him as time passes and as I mature in my faith, but I sometimes stumble backward into foolishly thinking that I know better than He.
As couples, we will all face crises that have the potential to lead to the demise of our marriage relationship. If we rely on our own will rather than our Heavenly Father’s, surely we will succumb to destruction. It is only in trusting the Father’s wisdom and guidance, whether or not we fully understand it, that we may arrive safely at our intended destination. It is only in submitting to His authority that we may eventually experience a joy that cannot be expressed with words.
No matter the circumstances, no matter the obstacles, no matter the challenges, our Father in Heaven knows best. Without fail, He will direct our steps, Light our path, and bring us to the place He has prepared for us.
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"The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life." ~ Psalm 121:7