Marital Unity through Submission
There is much discussion about marital unity and how to achieve it. There is equal discussion regarding the respective roles of the husband and wife according to God’s Word. Many wives have accepted a distorted interpretation of Scripture pertaining to the directive to submit to their husbands, fearing a loss of worth under heavy-handed leadership. Meanwhile, many husbands cling to that same word as justification for unfairly lording authority over their families in the manner of an overbearing dictator. Men and women alike tend to equate submission with subservience. This faulty view is causing division among husbands and wives, and needless marital strife.
Whenever we read Scripture, we have to be careful to look at the entire related passage in order to discern an accurate interpretation. It’s also very helpful to be acquainted with the original language in which it was written, and its corresponding meaning. Although few people in our modern times have mastered the language of the New Testament ~ Greek ~ utilizing tools like Google broadens the scope of understanding, and clarifies and deepens the meanings behind the words.
For example, many married Christian couples fixate on the verses in Ephesians chapter 5 regarding the roles of a wife and a husband. When we read that a wife is to submit to her husband, it is imperative that we discern the true meaning of the word. We must also consider the instructions immediately following which command the husband to love his wife. One cannot accept a portion of this passage; the passage in its entirety must be fully understood and put into practice.
Ladies first . . .
For the Wife
Ephesians 5:22 issues this directive for a wife:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the Church, His body, of which He is the Savior.”
The Greek word submit used here is hupotasso [hoop-ot-as'-so]. It is primarily used as a military term meaning: to arrange troop divisions under the command of a leader. In non-military use, it means: to get under; to lift up; to support; to fulfill one’s part of the assignment; the equal sharing of tasks; a voluntary act of cooperation; sharing a burden.
It is important to note that the Greek word for obey/obedience is hupakoe [hoop-ak’-o-ay'] which is defined: to listen to; to heed or conform to a command. This is not the word used in this passage of Scripture. Clearly, the word submit has a much different meaning than obey. The idea of submission is one of an equal partnership, of working together as a team, of a collaborative effort. Conversely, obedience implies merely executing the command of a superior.
In military life, commanding officers are entrusted with leadership as a result of their training, knowledge, wisdom, and experience. They are not only tasked with leading troops through dangerous battles, they are held accountable for the safety and well-being of those in their command. Leaders never function independently of those they lead; instead they rely on mutual cooperation to accomplish the task set before them. Commanding officers are equal as human beings, but have been placed in a position of authority for the purpose of successfully completing the mission, guiding their troops while working in tandem with them.
Likewise, in Christian family life, a wife is charged with submitting to her husband as to the Lord. A godly, Christian wife is to come alongside her husband and work in unison with him for the benefit of the family. She isn’t placed in the family to be a silent partner or a blind follower; rather she is a contributing ally. Never is it stated that a wife is in any way inferior to her husband. Never is it inferred that her value is less than his. Quite the contrary! The equality of husband and wife is indisputable throughout Scripture. The culture of the times may have demanded that a wife be the slave of her husband, but this was never decreed by the Lord.
However, it is ultimately the responsibility of the husband to make the final call. It is he whom God holds accountable for the well-being of the family, and therefore it is he to whom the wife must yield in times of disagreement. {The only exception to this would be in the case of a husband’s direct disobedience to God’s Word.}
It is also stated in this passage that a husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church {Body}. In both instances, the Greek word for head used here is kephale [kef-al-ay'] which is a noun meaning: the head [of a human or animal]; source. The dual-meaning word kephale was deliberately used in this passage to communicate the dual-meaning of head in this verse.
First, it illustrates the connectedness of a husband and wife, and the fact that one cannot function independently of the other. Just as life ends if the head is separated from the body, marriage cannot thrive without deep, intimate unity between husband and wife.
Second, it illustrates that man was the source of woman {when God created Eve from Adam’s rib}, and Christ is the source of the Church {Body}. Without man there would be no woman, and without Christ there would be no Church. This depicts a relationship so profoundly intimate, so intricately intertwined, that two separate entities are functioning as one. One functions as the head and the other functions as the body, yet neither functions without the other.
For the Husband
Now, let’s take a gander at the instructions for the husband in Ephesians 5:25-28:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her and make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant Church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
The first thing I notice is how much longer the husband’s instructions are! If you think a husband's call to love is easier than a wife's call to submit, think again. A husband is called upon first to love his wife to the point of death, and second to sanctify her {make her holy, to present her without stain or wrinkle or blemish, and to present her as blameless}. The focus here isn’t so much on the husband’s role as it is on his responsibilities.
Let’s take it apart and examine it . . .
This passage can be broken into two main parts:
1) WHAT a husband is called to do {love his wife}
2) HOW he is called to do it {sanctify his wife}
It sounds pretty simple on the surface, but let’s dig a little deeper. The Greek word for love used here in the first portion of the instructions to the husband is the verb agape [ag-ah'-pay] which means: unconditional, sacrificial love. There are three other Greek words for love, none of which are used in this passage:
phileo [fil-eh'-o]: affectionate, platonic love {deep friendship}
storge [stor-gae’]: familial love {such as the love of parents for their children}
eros [e’-ros]: passionate, emotional and/or physical love {sexuality}
It is quite obvious that this passage of Scripture is not referring to a feel-good type of infatuation which changes with the winds of circumstance. Love {agape} is a verb ~ an action word. It is the act of pursuing a Divine expression of unconditional devotion, regardless of emotion or circumstance. It is steadfast, unchanging, and immoveable. This type of love is constant and never leaves one feeling insecure or threatened by abandonment in any way, physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional. In essence, the command for a husband to love his wife is a command for him to submit to his wife’s need for the security of unconditional love. In many ways, submit {hupotasso} and love {agape} are synonymous.
The concept of love is further elaborated when the husband is instructed to be willing to give up himself for his wife as Christ gave up Himself for the Church. The Greek word used here for give up is paradidomi [par-ad-id'-o-mee ]. This was a technical term relating to the police & court system which means: hand over into the custody of. This referred to either the handing over {giving up} of a presumably guilty person for punishment by authorities, or the handing over {giving up} of an individual to an enemy who will presumably take undue advantage of the victim.
This word paradidomi and its meaning is the basis for the comparison of Christ’s sacrificial act of love {agape} by suffering death on the cross, which parallels a husband’s sacrificial love {agape} toward his wife by dying to himself. The implication is clear ~ the voluntary act of suffering for the benefit of another, the putting-aside of one’s own needs and desires to meet the needs and desires of another. Hardly the picture of an overbearing dictator, wouldn’t you agree?
The second portion of this passage instructs a husband to sanctify his wife, to present her holy & blameless. Even more is demanded of a husband in the second part of these instructions. The Greek word for sanctify, hagiazo [hag-ee-ad'-zo], means: to set apart for God; the opposite of common or profane. In this context, sanctify refers to the fact that the only way we as Believers can be presented as pure and holy is by the redeeming, sacrificial love {agape} of Christ Himself on our behalf, by His act of submission {hupotasso}, in giving up {paradidomi} Himself to sacrificial death on the Cross. Because of this, we are set apart for {handed over to} the Lord. We are His and His alone. We are devoted to Him and to Him alone.
It is through a husband’s love {agape} that his wife is sanctified {hagiazo}. It is because of this sacrificial love {agape} ~ not in spite of it ~ that his wife, accordingly, is completely devoted to him and willing to submit {hupotasso} to his leadership. This is the example Scripture speaks of when referring to marriage as being an illustration of Christ and His Church. The burden of the wife’s sanctification lies on the husband’s shoulders just as the sanctification of the Church lies on the shoulders of Christ.
For the Marriage
As you can plainly see, submission by both husband and wife is required for unity ~ submission to God’s Word and submission to one another. If we are to submit to one another in marriage, we must willingly work with one another toward common goals. We must put away arrogance and self-centeredness for the sake of our sacred calling as husband and wife. When we passively ignore or casually dismiss the words of our spouse, we refuse to consider their God-appointed importance and value within the family structure. When we refuse to consider our spouse’s opinions and feelings, we willfully disobey God’s plan for marriage and thereby rebel against the Lord Himself.
Work together toward unity in your marriage relationship. Value one another as Christ values each of us. Purpose to submit to one another at all times and in all things. It is in submitting to one another that we experience unity. It is through this unity that we stand firm against the Evil One, and shine the Light of Christ into a dark world.
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"It is the harmony of the diverse parts, their symmetry, their happy balance; in a word it is all that introduces order, all that gives unity, that permits us to see clearly and to comprehend at once both the ensemble and the details."
~ Henri Poincare