Identity Protection
When I was a young bride, I spent one particular hot summer day in the company of an older, married woman. Believing this woman to be far wiser than myself, I looked forward to learning from her experience as a wife of more than two decades. Much to my disappointment, I found her to be exceedingly critical of her husband. I was deeply troubled that she felt the need to speak disparagingly of him to anyone who would listen. She constantly ~ and publicly ~ belittled and complained about him throughout the day. I found her behavior to be very abusive. It was blatantly obvious to anyone within earshot that the marriage was not a happy one.
I’m very grateful for that enlightening day. As a result of the time I spent with this woman, I firmly resolved, with God's help, from that day forward, to respect my husband, publicly as well as privately. I vowed that I would never, under any circumstances, speak ill of him, especially in the presence of others. I pledged never to call him names, either to his face or behind his back. I recognized the harmful consequences to the marriage relationship when words are used to tear-down rather
than build-up, and understood the importance of affirming the identity of one’s spouse, and protecting his/her reputation in the presence of others. Furthermore, I realized that being publicly disrespectful toward one’s spouse reflects one’s own flawed character.
When we complain about our spouse, or haughtily criticize him/her, we cause little fractures to form in the foundation of our marriage. These fractures grow and deepen with the passing years and the continuing scorn, further weakening marital unity. Eventually, the foundation crumbles altogether and the marriage collapses.
Instead of allowing your words to inflict damage, why not purpose to strengthen your marriage by speaking words of love and affirmation? Rather than publicly condemning your spouse, why not publicly praise him/her? By protecting your spouse’s identity and reputation, you accomplish at least four things:
You will glorify God by being obedient to His Word
You will strengthen your marriage
You will encourage your spouse
You will inspire other married couples
If your marriage has been damaged by harsh words and public vilification, it is not beyond hope nor is it impossible for God to restore your marital relationship. Even unions that have disintegrated beneath the weight of harsh words and verbal abuse can be revived and reestablished. After all, our God is the Author of the marriage covenant. He is able to rebuild that which has been torn down.
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“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
~ Proverbs 12:18