Security Guard
Possibly the greatest need of every wife is security. Before you wrongly assume I’m referring strictly to financial security, allow me to expound. Inasmuch as God has appointed a husband to be the Pastor, Provider, and Protector of his family, there is a great deal more to providing security than a paycheck.
Pastor
“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” ~ 1 Corinthians 11:3
The Greek word for head used here is kephale [kef-al-ay'] which is a noun meaning: the head [of a human or animal]; source. Kephale emphasizes connectedness, and the fact that one cannot function independently of the other, just as the head cannot function independently of the body, and vice versa. I find the chain-of-command sited in this passage very intriguing. It first lists Christ as the head of man, second the husband as head of his wife, and third, God as the Head of Christ. Rather than the structure of authority being established from first to last, it is depicted as an unbroken, endless circle, Divinely intertwined with the threads of leadership, submission, and servanthood.
The responsibility of the spiritual well-being of his household is a heavy burden for a man to carry. It requires that he be consistent and passionate with his own walk with the Lord as he leads his family. It also demands his attention to the spiritual condition and need of each individual family member, and his willingness to patiently seek the Lord and His Word as he ministers to each one accordingly. This in and of itself will require that a husband remain intimate with God so that he may be sure to lead his family in godly ways. This means more than taking the family to church on Sunday morning. It means living a godly life. It means holding oneself accountable for one's own behavior. It means praying for and with your family, teaching them God’s Word, and building relationships with other Believers.
Pastoring a family demands a lifetime of profound, continual effort. It requires a husband to be an active participant rather than a taskmaster who simply barks out commands to be obeyed. Leading by example and involvement is the only way to be effective in the role of pastor.
Provider
“If anyone doesn't take care of his own relatives, especially his immediate family, he has denied the Christian faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” ~ 1 Timothy 5:8
It’s imperative to have a clear understanding of exactly what this passage is stating. The Greek word used here for anyone is tis [tis] which is an indefinite masculine pronoun meaning: a certain one; someone; anyone. This verse is directed toward the male provider of the family who is responsible for those dependent upon him. The Greek word used here for provide is pronoeo [pron-o-eh'-o] which means: to consider in advance; to look out for beforehand. This perspective reveals that foresight and planning is required in order to meet the needs of the family.
The current cultural trend of accumulating excessive debt is in direct conflict with these instructions. For one to adequately provide for his family, he must exercise financial discipline: he must refrain from needless debt, adhere to a household budget, and be sure to have sufficient savings in case of unforeseen events. A husband who is careless with the family finances leaves his loved ones at great risk for serious consequences.
For example, in a certain dual-income family, buy-now-pay-later was the lifestyle of choice. They accumulated years of debt. When the husband lost his job, they were unable to keep up with their multiple credit card and loan payments. Subsequently, they lost their home to foreclosure. In a certain single-income family, a husband was struggling to rig the household budget so that his family could continue to enjoy expensive vacations and dinner out several nights per week. Seeking ways to control expenditures, he foolishly neglected to put money into savings, and allowed his life insurance policy to lapse. Sadly, he died very suddenly, leaving his family with nothing but unpaid bills. They, too, lost their home to foreclosure.
In my own marriage, I’m blessed to have a wise husband who has always ensured the financial well-being of his family. Several years ago, Bobby suffered a serious back injury that left him unable to work for more than six weeks. Being self-employed, no work meant no income. However, because he was consistently adament that we remain debt-free, and because he was disciplined about putting money into savings, we had a cushion to fall back on. We were able to continue paying our bills on time, and therefore were spared the stress and threat of financial ruin.
Sadly, many wives are guilty of exacerbating the problem of financial indiscretion by joining their husbands in their irresponsible behavior. Often times, the greater wealth of dual-income families leads to a lifestyle that commands the ongoing funding necessary to support it. If one loses a job or becomes injured or ill, financial disaster may swiftly come a-calling. Wisely attending to the financial obligations of the home is a crucial part of providing for the family that many husbands today are neglecting.
Protector
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” ~ Colossians 3:19
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” ~ 1 Peter 3:7
The husband’s role of protector of the family is perhaps the most misunderstood. Many interpret this role as the physical protection of the family, as in defending one’s family from physical attack. This is only part of the duties of the protector. A protector must be able and willing to defend his family from ALL threat ~ physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Physical protection is pretty straightforward. I would venture to say that most any husband wouldn’t hesitate to put himself in harm’s way for the sake of his family’s safety. If an intruder breaks into his home during the night, he most likely will not send his wife or children to confront the perpetrator. Most men will not allow their family to drive around in an unsafe car, or participate in activities that could be dangerous. Most fathers will not allow their sons and daughters to run the streets at all hours of the night. And most any husband will immediately come to the defense of his wife should she be threatened with physical harm. But there is much more to acting as the family protector.
Protecting the family’s emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being are areas that are often overlooked. Some husbands believe that as the head of the house, their role is that of dictator rather than leader. They subject their family to unnecessary distress ~ or even abuse ~ by verbally assaulting them and/or demanding impossible standards. Some cross the line from protector to bully, and graduate to abuser. Emotional, mental, and spiritual protection requires gentleness, understanding, and mercy, and the vigilant guarding of the family from avoidable injury.
For instance, if a husband fears the loss of his job and the possibility of financial hardship, he is obligated to protect his family, particularly his children, from grown-up stress they are not equipped to handle. He needn’t burden them with his fear. If a husband is under pressure and feeling tense, he is obligated to protect his family from hurtful fall-out as the result of him unloading on them. The protector must also protect himself from emotional, mental, and spiritual assault in order to protect his family. A true protector will cause no harm to his own.
Protecting the family from the glorified version of sin presented in modern-day media is imperative. Allowing the viewing of sexually themed media in any form causes desensitization and leads to lustful indulgence in many forms, including pornography, sexual promiscuity, sexual addiction, and even sexual abuse. In turn, sexual promiscuity can lead to out-of-wedlock pregnancy, disease, and ultimately, even death.
Frequent viewing of media violence, whether real or portrayed, also leads to desensitization and the devaluing of the sanctity of human life. A steady diet of the violence presented in TV news can cause even the strongest among us to lose heart and fear the future. Some news outlets even offer hour-long programs designed to persuade public thinking toward godless behaviors by justifying the barbaric acts of those guilty of horrific crimes.
It is crucial that the family is protected from the convincing opinions of the godless but well-spoken; how quickly one can be manipulated by the compelling arguments presented by the corrupt among us. Those not firmly rooted in God’s Word can be easily swayed and lured into a deceptive mindset of humanistic doctrine. The first duty of a godly husband is to lead his family in the ways of the Lord. He is to teach them by example as well as by Word ~ God’s Word. He is to pray with and for them; he is to ensure their spiritual growth; he is to live a life of holiness before them. As protector, he must also be ever-mindful of the constant attacks from the unseen realm in which Satan is perpetually relentless.
The husband is appointed to be the family’s Security Guard. This will require ongoing training and preparation which can only be achieved by being intimately acquainted with Almighty God and His Holy Word. Then, and only then, will a husband be capable of successfully effecting his role as Pastor, Provider, and Protector, and offering his wife the kind of security she needs and desires.
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"Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love." ~ Billy Graham