Broken Together
As Christians, we must be mindful of our brokenness. We come into this world damaged. We are not born flawless. We are born with a very nature toward sinfulness. If we are to truly emulate the behavior and character of Christ, we must be willing to forgive as He forgave ~ completely and without condition. Every sin, every ugly word, ever horrible thought or act ~ past, present, and future ~ was forgiven. Lest our hearts become hardened and proud, we must also acknowledge that our sin was forgiven in the absence of repentance.
You will find times during your married life when you are called to forgive. It may be small offenses, like a careless, hurtful word or forgetting to put the toilet seat down, or it may be a seemingly reprehensible offense which requires a great deal more grace and mercy than has ever been required of you.
What, in your mind, is an unforgivable sin? For what offense would you refuse to offer your spouse forgiveness? Lying? Adultery? Addiction? Financial irresponsibility? Abuse? In our flawed state of existence, we put conditions on our love toward our spouse in this way. Oftentimes, what we feel we could never forgive is what we fear most may someday happen. If the unthinkable happened, would you be willing to offer forgiveness?
As Believers, we are called to live beyond our own understanding. We are charged with surrendering self for the sake of others. We are commanded to forgive, as God forgives us. If you face what you consider an unforgivable offense, resist making an impulsive decision based on your emotions. Bring the situation to the Lord in serious prayer, and search His Word for direction. Be gentle but truthful with your spouse and, if necessary, seek guidance together from one or two trusted Christian friends who will keep your circumstances confidential, who will be straightforward, who will pray with and for you, and who will be careful to offer godly, Biblical advice.
If we are honest with ourselves, we will be forced to admit that we are all guilty of falling short ~ not only in our actions, but in our hearts and minds where all sin originates. If our innermost thoughts were exposed, would we still be able to point our accusing finger in the face of our spouse?
Each of us must acknowledge that we all fall and we all fail. If we are to accept the grace and mercy offered by Christ, we must also accept the responsibility we have as Believers to extend the same to others, especially to our spouse.
Many Christian couples, some whom I know personally, have faced the unthinkable together. After repentance and forgiveness, they committed to working toward restoration, and eventually they, and their marriages, were healed. Facing the unthinkable is anything but easy. The arduous journey toward rebuilding a broken relationship finds a couple traveling long byways fraught with narrow curves and steep hills. But if they persevere, they ultimately reach their restoration-destination, emerging stronger and more resolute than ever before.
Please do not confuse forgiveness with blind acceptance or enablement. While it is commanded of us to forgive, we are not required to accept ~ and thereby condone ~ chronic, repetitive sinful behaviors. On the contrary, we are instructed to hold one another accountable, and this includes you, me, he, and she. For example, a person who is married to an abusive spouse is not commanded by God’s Word to continually submit to abuse. The abusive spouse must be held accountable for his/her behavior.
Forgiveness is as much for the benefit of the one extending it, as it is for the one receiving it. It is meant to bring healing and restoration to a broken relationship. If a spouse refuses to abandon his/her sinful behavior, he/she will reap a painful harvest of destruction and, likely, the demise of the marriage.
We are all broken. What could offer more hope than being broken together? What could be a more powerful testimony of God’s Providence to married couples than two broken individuals, Divinely united as one, thriving despite overwhelming obstacles?
The song Broken Together by Casting Crowns beautifully expresses the pain of marital desolation, the heartfelt desire for healing, and the hope of renewal. If you feel beaten-down by your current marital circumstances, I encourage you to extend forgiveness, and to seek restoration from the Creator who designed you for one another in the first place.
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“If it’s broken, fix it; don’t throw it away.”
~ Unknown