Secret Weapon
Secrecy has no place in marriage ~ before or after the vows are exchanged. The only exception to this rule would be the temporary secret-keeping of, say, a birthday or Christmas surprise. It’s imperative to be absolutely honest with your spouse at all times lest you unwittingly wield a mighty and destructive weapon.
When Bobby and I got engaged, we attended a series of pre-marital counseling sessions. On one particular weekend, we attended a group conference at which we were seated among several other betrothed couples. We all listened to various lectures and participated in several activities designed to help prepare us for married life. One of these activities involved the topic of past relationships. Each couple was encouraged to honestly reveal all past relationships before entering into the sacred covenant of marriage.
It soon became apparent that one particular couple in our group had not been completely forthcoming with one another. The groom-to-be had withheld some very important information regarding past girlfriends with whom he’d been sexually intimate. The bride-to-be spent the rest of the day in tears. With their wedding barely two weeks away, we wondered if the marriage would ever take place.
I was very grateful that Bobby and I had chosen to be honest and upfront with one another from the start. While we may not have had such earth-shattering incidents tucked away in our personal hiding places, we ~ like all couples ~ had things to work through. Because we were straightforward with one another at all times, we handled each issue as it arose. We were better prepared for marriage than a lot of other couples that day even though we were a good five to 10 years younger than most of them.
You may be somewhat surprised to find that being completely honest with each other can sometimes also involve the secrets of others. During the course of our married lives, most of us will find ourselves in a position where another adult will share an intimate secret with us, requesting that we not divulge it to anyone else. Bobby and I have purposely made it a habit to warn anyone sharing a secret with either of us that we will indeed keep it, but not from one another. While it’s important to keep a confidence, it’s equally important not to hide things from your spouse. Even the secrets of others can fracture a strong foundation and compromise the integrity of the marital relationship.
The Father of Lies ~ Satan ~ is the author of all deception, a very powerful weapon. Secrets can crush a marriage, even a marriage that appears to be strong. Secrets always involve deception and/or withholding information. Deception destroys trust and broken trust can take years to be restored . . . if it can be restored at all.
Purpose to be honest with one another. Disarm the enemy and protect your marriage from self-inflicted destruction. Honesty, at times, can be uncomfortable or even painful, but in the long run, it will spare unnecessary heartbreak.
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“Therefore, each of you must stop lying and speak the truth with one another”
~ Ephesians 4:25